Expectant Prayers ®

Jennifer Jo Weiss

Did You Hear the One About...

Did you ever hear any stories from the late Grady Nutt?   He was a well known Baptist Minister and Christian Comedian.  We had a cassette tape of his comedic stories (they sounded more like bits on Hee Haw, which he was on) when Pete and I were first married.  They were always clean and highly humorous.  For some reason, I have this on the brain this morning....

Once someone told Grady that his sermons were too long.  In order to remedy the problem, he decided to see how long it took for a mint to dissolve in his mouth as a means of keeping time without having to watch the clock.  The next Sunday, he tested out his system.  He reached into his pocket, unwrapped a mint, and tucked it between his teeth and his gums.  Thus, he began a long oration on the Good Samaritan;  how you are to love your neighbor as yourself.   About the time he felt as if he had made all the right points and was ready to conclude with prayer, he discovered the mint was appropriately diminished in size.  In fact, it was almost gone!  Pretty pleased with himself, he concluded the service with a short prayer.  It had only taken around twenty minutes.  The people also seemed pleased, so Grady decided that this method was worth keeping.  Several weeks went by and the congregation seem invigorated by Grady's consistently concise sermons.  He preached several messages on love for others and they seemed to be working!  The members entered the sanctuary happy and left even happier... until...
One Sunday he reached into his pocked to retrieve a mint for his sermon.  At first, he thought he was out of mints, but fishing around his pocket for a few seconds, he grabbed the round object and popped it into his mouth, reminding himself to fill his pocket with more mints before the next week.    His sermon on "Hell and the Judgment Seat of God" was going well, but after awhile he felt as if he had been preaching for quite some time and had covered all the important points, but when he wiggled his tongue in his mouth... the mint was still there.  Then he noticed that the congregation seemed to be uncomfortable in their seats.  "Ah, this message is really hitting them... I'll keep going", Grady thought.  So on he went. 
After he was completely exhausted, he decided to conclude with an altar call- because the mint was still there.  Finally, when service ended, one of the deacons came up and said to Grady, "You'd been preaching wonderful short sermons lately, what happened today?"  Grady looked at his watch and realized he had preached for two hours!  "I don't understand" he told the deacon.  "I have been keeping a mint in my mouth to let me know when time was up, but this mint today seemed to last a long time".  Then he reached into his mouth and pulled the object from its hiding spot... and that's when he realized.... it wasn't sucking on a mint - it was a button.

Then there's the one about Ol' sister so-and-so (I can't remember the name he used) who had taken a bathroom break between Sunday school and church service.  She always had to sit in one of the front rows.    What she didn't realize is that while she was in the stall, the toilet paper had become attached to  her shoe.  Somehow she managed to get from the bathroom outside the back of the sanctuary clear up to the middle aisle with the toilet paper, headed for her front row seat.  The paper was dangling in a long trail behind her like the train on a bride's gown.  As she neared her seat, the organist looked up and realized what was going on.  After a quick page call out to the music leader, the organist began playing the introduction. The music minister said, "Would you all please rise and sing with me hymn number ____ 'When the Roll is Called Up Yonder I'll be There'"!

Sometimes we all need a good laugh!  Have a great day!

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